Six years after my accident, my right arm began to ache. In fact, it was so painful that I thought it could possibly be a stress fracture.
“Don’t worry”, the doctor told me, “probably just a strain, try to rest it.” she said.
I had a baby to care for at the time, so resting an arm was out of the question. It got to the point where I couldn’t even lift a teacup. “Do you think we should have it x-rayed?” I finally asked on my third visit to her.
We did, and to everyone’s surprise, my right arm was broken! “How could this be possible?” I asked, “after all this time!”
As it turned out, my arm was still broken when I left the spinal ward after almost six months! I then needed more surgery to fuse the bone together with a metal plate.
“Didn’t it hurt?” was the question most people asked. Well of course it did, but so did everything else in my body! After all, what is a little old broken arm when the rest of my injuries reads like a list of horrors…broken neck and back in six places, five broken ribs, broken collarbone, broken arm (still!) broken bones in feet, head injuries, major lacerations to legs, torso, massive blood loss…the list goes on.
I tell this story to illustrate a point. Many people have tweeted me over the past few weeks asking me to blog about pain, something I feel I have the credentials to do confidently. I thought about my arm and all those years it was broken without me knowing, and the things I did with a broken arm. Not only did I learn to fly and get my commercial pilots licence, but also I flew aerobatics, which required me to pull on the stick of the aircraft with quite a bit of G-force…all with my broken arm!
Yes, it hurt, but I was so focused on flying and getting my life back, that it didn’t bother me. It wasn’t until I slowed down that it got my attention. By that stage I had accepted that pain was a part of my life, so I just got on with what I had to do, which was flying, and I learn’t to channel my pain in another way.
I live with chronic pain on a daily basis and I have developed ways to deal with it, and to maintain a quality of life that means it does not exclude me from doing anything I want to do.
While pain is never desirable, we can however use it for valuable lessons in life. I have chosen to see my injuries and pain as a symbol of what my life represents, and it has given me the most extraordinary opportunities for inner growth and freedom.
Let me say that pain is a complex issue and we need to distinguish between the two types of pain, physiological and mental/emotional. As emotional reactions to pain differ from person to person, much of our mental anguish comes from our desire to suppress our pain. The more we fight against it, the greater it becomes, and the more energy we give it. In the words of Carl Jung, “What you resist persists”. So rather than focus on my pain, I focus on my wellness and what my body allows me to do.
French Buddhist monk and scholar, Matthieu Ricard writes about pain and suffering from the Buddhist perspective and details various methods to manage pain. Use of mental imagery, awakening oneself to love and compassion and developing inner strength are all ways to transform ones mind. I have, at varying times, used all three as well as other methods.
There may not be a ‘cure’ for chronic pain, but from experience, I know that it need not prevent us from leading a fulfilling life or prevent us from achieving inner freedom. In the end, our attitude is the best pain management tool we have.
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa
